D1B to start gun buyback program

[D1B]

Yep, fellas, I'm gonnn get a jump start on the government. Here how it works:

I, Division One Boy, will hereby offer the following flat amounts for your guns and ammo.

$20 for each pistol

$25 for each hunting rifle

$27 for each shotgun

$29 for each assault rifle

$5 for each case of ammo

Checks will be issued 30-90 days after forfieture and your guns will be recycled into shower curtain rods, bongs and 22" rims and other peaceful items.

PM me and we'll start the paperwork.

[Gil Dobie]

What do classify as an assault rifle?

[GrizFanStuckInUtah]

Add a zero, no wait, add 2 zero's to the back end of those prices and we can talk.

[Col Hogan]

Wish I could take advantage of this offer, but I sold all my guns to a guy on a street corner the other day...gave me cold hard cash for all of them...

[D1B]

Add a zero, no wait, add 2 zero's to the back end of those prices and we can talk.

I understand, but I have to pay for the time and labor to take possession of your firearms, transport them to the smelter and file the necessary paperwork in order to cut a check, minus these expenses of course, and pay you.

I'm sure you understand.

BTW, thanks for being my first customer. You'll be a better man for giving up your firearms.

[D1B]

Z just PM'd me with a detailed list of quite an arsenal he wants to unload:

1 bolt action .22
3 single shot Derringers
2 single shot Daisy BB guns
1 lead-lined women's purse (used for hitting burglars and bra-snappers)

He had a great question, reprinted here with his permission:

"D1B, thanks so much for the opportunity to rid myself and family of all my dangerous weapons. That you will transform them into weapons of peace gives me great comfort. That being said, I was planning on passing down these items to my children and while your offer is generous, they will take a net loss.

What can you do?"

Don't worry about it Z. Just send me notarized copies of your kids' birth certificates along with copies of their father's and your wife's drivers licences. Upon recieving these, I will waive 5% of my processing fee and convert the remaining balance, if any, into McDonald's gift certificates.

I hope this helps and thank you for the fruit basket and baked goods.

Division One Boy

[D1B]

What do classify as an assault rifle?

Good question, Dildo.

An assault rifle is any gun that looks too dangerous and has capacity to shoot more than 1 pellet between reloading.

[Ursus A. Horribilis]

What do classify as an assault rifle?

Good question, Dildo.

An assault rifle is any gun that looks too dangerous and has capacity to shoot more than 1 pellet between reloading.

Would have been a lot funnier if you had said "Good question, Gildo."

Get it together dummy.

[93henfan]

Wish I could take advantage of this offer, but I sold all my guns to a guy on a street corner the other day...gave me cold hard cash for all of them...

Best purchase I ever made.

[93henfan]

Gildo

Gil so hates you right now. He has a new nickname.

[CID1990]

Just send me notarized copies of your kids' birth certificates along with copies of their father's and your wife's drivers licenses.

Division One Boy

FVCKing LOL



Sent from the center of the universe.

[Grizo406]

This thread is goin' about as well as your "D1B demands satisfaction" clunker in The Lounge!



Have you no pride left??

[D1B]

Wish I could take advantage of this offer, but I sold all my guns to a guy on a street corner the other day...gave me cold hard cash for all of them...

Best purchase I ever made.

And best decision you ever made, turning them into me. Thank you.

In about a month, after I melt them down, look for these in the mail, COD:

[mrklean]

Yep, fellas, I'm gonnn get a jump start on the government. Here how it works:

I, Division One Boy, will hereby offer the following flat amounts for your guns and ammo.

$20 for each pistol

$25 for each hunting rifle

$27 for each shotgun

$29 for each assault rifle
$5 for each case of ammo

Checks will be issued 30-90 days after forfieture and your guns will be recycled into shower curtain rods, bongs and 22" rims and other peaceful items.

PM me and we'll start the paperwork.

You must be drunk as hell!!!!!

[D1B]

Yep, fellas, I'm gonnn get a jump start on the government. Here how it works:

I, Division One Boy, will hereby offer the following flat amounts for your guns and ammo.

$20 for each pistol

$25 for each hunting rifle

$27 for each shotgun

$29 for each assault rifle
$5 for each case of ammo

Checks will be issued 30-90 days after forfieture and your guns will be recycled into shower curtain rods, bongs and 22" rims and other peaceful items.

PM me and we'll start the paperwork.

You must be drunk as hell!!!!!

Klean, for you, thanks to a government affirmative action-like program, I can give you an extra 4% for your glocks, Tech 9's and even your pit bulls ($12 each, $14 each for unspayed or intact males - PLUS an extra 4%)



"Arf, Arf.....I wanna go with D1B! woof....woof...."

[mrklean]

You must be drunk as hell!!!!!

Klean, for you, thanks to a government affirmative action-like program, I can give you an extra 4% for your glocks, Tech 9's and even your pit bulls ($12 each, $14 each for unspayed or intact males - PLUS an extra 4%)



"Arf, Arf.....I wanna go with D1B! woof....woof...."

Say no to DRUGS

[YoUDeeMan]

You must be drunk as hell!!!!!

Klean, for you, thanks to a government affirmative action-like program, I can give you an extra 4% for your glocks, Tech 9's and even your pit bulls ($12 each, $14 each for unspayed or intact males - PLUS an extra 4%)



"Arf, Arf.....I wanna go with D1B! woof....woof...."

This ranks up there with your early posts about helping the Fukushima folks!

[AZGrizFan]

Z just PM'd me with a detailed list of quite an arsenal he wants to unload:

1 bolt action .22
3 single shot Derringers
2 single shot Daisy BB guns
1 lead-lined women's purse (used for hitting burglars and bra-snappers)

He had a great question, reprinted here with his permission:

"D1B, thanks so much for the opportunity to rid myself and family of all my dangerous weapons. That you will transform them into weapons of peace gives me great comfort. That being said, I was planning on passing down these items to my children and while your offer is generous, they will take a net loss.

What can you do?"

Don't worry about it Z. Just send me notarized copies of your kids' birth certificates along with copies of their father's and your wife's drivers licences. Upon recieving these, I will waive 5% of my processing fee and convert the remaining balance, if any, into McDonald's gift certificates.

I hope this helps and thank you for the fruit basket and baked goods.

Division One Boy

Thanks again, D.

[D1B]

Looks like the Grizo family has seen the light.

I'll be taking control of his formidable arsenal in 3-5 weeks - USPS Book Rate.

Here's a note from Grizo's wife regarding the forfeiture:

"Dear, dear, Division One Boy,

First, thank you for your visit last month, and the weekend before Christmas and last fall while my husband was swilling moonshine and taking it up the ass in Boone with those App State hillbilly's. I hope your cold sore clears up and I'm very sorry about that. FWIW, I just dab a little brake fluid on it and it disappears in a few weeks.

The other evening, while Ursus Arcturus Horriblis was over fixing several plumbing issues, he mentioned your firearms buyback program and that he was seriously interested in participating, once he gets his guns back from the MPD evidence locker. I must say, kudos to you for your thoughtfulness and desire to guide humanity on a course toward peace and harmony.

While I will never get my husband to participate, as he hates your guts, I want to take the bull by the horns (wink, wink ) and send you his collection. I don't want these things around our grandchildren, great grandchildren and their kids. With Grizo's drinking and drug problem, it's just too dangerous.

Here are several photos of his collection:















Again, thank you for all you do. You are a special person in my life and you make everyone around you better, except for Grizo, but he's a douchebag anyway. Please donate my stipends to your local guinea pig rescue group.

Warmest regards,

Ethyl"

[bluehenbillk]

Our pastor is interested in taking you up D1B.....

[Ursus A. Horribilis]

Looks like the Grizo family has seen the light.

I'll be taking control of his formidable arsenal in 3-5 weeks - USPS Book Rate.

Here's a note from Grizo's wife regarding the forfeiture:

"Dear, dear, Division One Boy,

First, thank you for your visit last month, and the weekend before Christmas and last fall while my husband was swilling moonshine and taking it up the ass in Boone with those App State hillbilly's. I hope your cold sore clears up and I'm very sorry about that. FWIW, I just dab a little brake fluid on it and it disappears in a few weeks.

The other evening, while Ursus Arcturus Horriblis was over fixing several plumbing issues, he mentioned your firearms buyback program and that he was seriously interested in participating, once he gets his guns back from the MPD evidence locker. I must say, kudos to you for your thoughtfulness and desire to guide humanity on a course toward peace and harmony.

While I will never get my husband to participate, as he hates your guts, I want to take the bull by the horns (wink, wink ) and send you his collection. I don't want these things around our grandchildren, great grandchildren and their kids. With Grizo's drinking and drug problem, it's just too dangerous.

Here are several photos of his collection:















Again, thank you for all you do. You are a special person in my life and you make everyone around you better, except for Grizo, but he's a douchebag anyway. Please donate my stipends to your local guinea pig rescue group.

Warmest regards,

Ethyl"

Gotta admit, there's a lot of brilliance in there. "Great grandchildren & their kids" had me fuckin' rolling. The the gun pics (If you know Grizo) are the topper. A couple of months ago I described having him around is like having a Grampa that is 7 yrs. old.

[D1B]

Looks like Joltin Joe actually had a gun!



Joe, thanks for giving it up. Absolutely I'll take it to the range and try it out before I melt it down.

I'll let you know how it goes.

[Grizo406]

Dear D1B,

Looks like you've found a new ass kissin' lap dog in Ursus!

That dirty whore you described as my wife is worth about as much as Ursus...and the three of you should have no problem working together on your buy back program! If you don't like the smell of four day old lake trout in July, you might have a problem working with them.

To give you a little insight on what you're getting here, all the weaponry that was offered up, (without my consent), was stuff I didn't want/don't use anymore. But, if it helps your cause, I'm all for it!

Warmest regards,

Grizo

[D1B]

ALPACAJIZ1 just sent me his weapons cache. Here's a few gems.









Bet this was tough, ALPACA, but the world is a better place now.

Check is in the mail.

Regards,

Division One Boy

[Ursus A. Horribilis]

Dear D1B,

Looks like you've found a new ass kissin' lap dog in Ursus!

That dirty whore you described as my wife is worth about as much as Ursus...and the three of you should have no problem working together on your buy back program! If you don't like the smell of four day old lake trout in July, you might have a problem working with them.

To give you a little insight on what you're getting here, all the weaponry that was offered up, (without my consent), was stuff I didn't want/don't use anymore. But, if it helps your cause, I'm all for it!

Warmest regards,

Grizo

I see you have finally perfected the process of refining simple dullardry into pure, uncut, witless banality.

Kudos.