Obama Joke Thread

[Ivytalk]

It's about time. I'll start.

What's Obama's favorite chick flick?

Clueless!

[Gil Dobie]

[travelinman67]

Obama has a new plan to save American jobs. He and Michelle are going to personally keep the vacation planners busy.

[Ivytalk]

What's the difference between Obama and Jesus Christ?

Jesus knew how to assemble a cabinet.

[BlueHen86]

What's the difference between Obama and Jesus Christ?

Jesus knew how to assemble a cabinet.

[Bronco]

Many middle class families will see their income go up by 3k because of the recovery act
9/15/09 BHO

This is the best jobs report we’ve seen since 2007…and this is good news…just in time for the season of hope
12/2/09 BHO

I promise you this, I won’t rest until things get better.
12/2/09 BHO

[kalm]

Considering I'm not an Obama fan, I had really big hopes for this thread. I even thought back on all the great conk humorists...Larry Miller, Penn Gillete, Dennis Miller, Larry Miller...

[Ivytalk]

Considering I'm not an Obama fan, I had really big hopes for this thread. I even thought back on all the great conk humorists...Larry Miller, Penn Gillete, Dennis Miller, Larry Miller...

This thread is a work in progress, klam. We hope not to plagiarize the Donk talk show hosts who worship the guy.

By the way, did you hear that Obama plans to carve two new faces on Rushmore?

Both his!

[HI54UNI]

A major freeway in California is named after the great Ronald Reagan. After he leaves office, Chicago should name a dead end after Barack Obama

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President Obama has closed the Washington Monument in the aftermath of the Virginia earthquake. Barack's friend Bill Ayers will be hired for the demolition work.


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President Obama was interviewing for new accountants to handle the books for his Obamacare scheme. Barack asked the first applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" The accountant was escorted out of the White House after answering, "Two." Barack then asked the next applicant, "What does one plus one equal?" That one answered, "What do you want it to equal?" Obama promptly replied, "You've got the job."

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President Obama decided to do one of his public addresses against the backdrop of an American farm, but the ceremony couldn't get started because of all the flies buzzing around his head. Obama demanded to know why the flies wouldn't leave, so the farmer explained to him, "Well, those are called circle flies. They always circle around the back end of horses." Obama angrily replied, "Hey, are you saying that I'm a horse's ass?" The farmer answered, "No Sir, Mister President. I would never call someone a horse's ass. It's hard to fool them flies though."

[Ivytalk]

What's the difference between Obama and Jimmy Carter?

Carter was the worst President of the 20th century.

[houndawg]

What's the difference between Obama and Jesus Christ?

Jesus knew how to assemble a cabinet.

[BDKJMU]

Q: How do you starve an Obama supporter?
A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

[BDKJMU]

Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.

[SDHornet]

[Ivytalk]

What's thinner than Obama's resume?

His skin.

[andy7171]

This thread has it's moments.

[Ivytalk]

Why doesn't Obama ever criticize himself?

Because it would be racist.

[Ivytalk]

If Obama had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.

[andy7171]

Why doesn't Obama ever criticize himself?

Because it would be racist.

[houndawg]

If Obama had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.

The first one was good, but now you're trying too hard. Who writes your material, anyway?

[Ivytalk]

If Obama had half a brain, his ass would be lopsided.

The first one was good, but now you're trying too hard. Who writes your material, anyway?

Eric Holder.

[Ivytalk]

Obama was leaving yet another fundraiser late at night when a robber held him up. "Give me all of your money!" Obama snorted, "What do you mean? You're looking at the President of the United States."
Without blinking an eye, the robber said, "OK, then. Give me all of MY money!"

[Cap'n Cat]

What's the difference between Obama and Jesus Christ?

Jesus knew how to assemble a cabinet.

[houndawg]

The first one was good, but now you're trying too hard. Who writes your material, anyway?

Eric Holder.

Better.

[Ivytalk]

When Barack and Michelle have sex, why is Michelle always on top?

Because Barack can only fuck up.