Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

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Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Skjellyfetti »

:rofl:
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Planned Parenthood announced Tuesday the grand opening of its long-planned $8 billion Abortionplex, a sprawling abortion facility that will allow the organization to terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible.

During a press conference, Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards told reporters that the new state-of-the-art fetus-killing facility located in the nation's heartland offers quick, easy, in-and-out abortions to all women, and represents a bold reinvention of the group's long-standing mission and values.

"Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," said Richards, standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood's new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred." "And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it's going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day."

"The Abortionplex's high-tech machinery is capable of terminating one pregnancy every three seconds," Richards added. "That's almost a million abortions every month. We're so thrilled!"

The 900,000-square-foot facility has more than 2,000 rooms dedicated to the abortion procedure. The abundance of surgical space, Richards said, will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption. Hundreds of on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives.

The remaining space is dedicated to amenities such as coffee shops, bars, dozens of restaurants and retail outlets, a three-story nightclub, and a 10-screen multiplex theater—features intended not only to help clients relax, but to foster a sense of community and make abortion more of a social event.

"We really want abortion to become a regular part of women's lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions," said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. "Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus."

"All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex," Richards continued. "Whether she's a high school junior who doesn't want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can't be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome."

Nineteen-year-old Marcy Kolrath, one of the Abortionplex's first clients, told reporters that despite her initial hesitancy, she was quickly put at ease by staff members who reassured her that she could have abortions over and over for the next decade before finally committing to motherhood. Kolrath also said she was "wowed" by the facility's many attractions.

"I was kind of on the fence in the beginning," she said. "But after a couple of margaritas and a ride down the lazy river they've got circling the place, I got caught up in the vibe. By the time it was over, I almost wished I could've aborted twins and gotten to stay a little longer."

"I told my boyfriend we had to have sex again that very night," Kolrath added. "I really want to come back over Labor Day."
http://www.theonion.com/articles/planne ... lex,20476/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by DJH »

People are retards. :ohno: :ohno: :ohno:

We are doomed.
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Grizalltheway »

DJH wrote:Christians are retards. :ohno: :ohno: :ohno:

We are doomed.
:nod: :nod: :ugeek:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by ∞∞∞ »

Grizalltheway wrote:
DJH wrote:Christians are retards. :ohno: :ohno: :ohno:

We are doomed.
:nod: :nod: :ugeek:
If you guys think that's funny, check out this website (there's more of AbortionPlex reactions on it as well):

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Bronco »

One thing to get a bitter clinger in tornado flyover country but how about the NY Times

Silly atheists

New York Times Fooled By The Onion Obama Magazine Cover


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/2 ... 53151.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Ivytalk »

Uh, it's The Onion, people! :roll:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by 93henfan »

I picked up the hard copy of this edition of The Onion in DC last week and was in tears on the metro. I was imagining my grandmother or some other naive soul picking it up and just having a cow. Well apparently that came to fruition. :lol:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by citdog »

That article is funny as hell. "karaoke and then vacumn out her uterus" :rofl: :rofl:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Grizalltheway »

JoltinJoe wrote:I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
Probably your paranoid, pompous, self-righteous reaction to it. :coffee:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by D1B »

JoltinJoe wrote:I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
The original article is funnier, asshat. :ohno:
"Sarah Palin absolutely blew AWAY the audience tonight. If there was any doubt as to whether she was savvy enough, tough enough or smart enough to carry the mantle of Vice President, she put those fears to rest tonight. She took on Barack Obama DIRECTLY on every issue and exposed... She did it with warmth and humor, and came across as the every-person....it's becoming mroe and more clear that she was a genius pick for McCain."

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by D1B »

Grizalltheway wrote:
JoltinJoe wrote:I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
Probably your paranoid, pompous, self-righteous reaction to it. :coffee:
:nod:
"Sarah Palin absolutely blew AWAY the audience tonight. If there was any doubt as to whether she was savvy enough, tough enough or smart enough to carry the mantle of Vice President, she put those fears to rest tonight. She took on Barack Obama DIRECTLY on every issue and exposed... She did it with warmth and humor, and came across as the every-person....it's becoming mroe and more clear that she was a genius pick for McCain."

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by travelinman67 »

Next year...

...Man The Opressorland, in Orlando.FL.

"Logride"...disappears into a giant pink mound with a splash. Loops around and around for 5 minutes.

"Beatdown"...male guests enter a faux church, pressing legal document-looking buttons which gains access to areas where they can shoot and hit evil women robots, exiting by inserting their penis into the "measurator"...the farther they push in, the sooner the exit door opens.

"Superman"...a phallic tower rising 200' straight up to the sky. For women only...the louder they scream, the higher the ride goes.

...ain't fantasy entertaining.

:ohno:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

Grizalltheway wrote:
JoltinJoe wrote:I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
Probably your paranoid, pompous, self-righteous reaction to it. :coffee:
Bite me, loser. :coffee:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

D1B wrote:
JoltinJoe wrote:I can't decide what's funnier -- the original article, or an unemployable internet obsessive, knee-jerk liberal who unflinchingly believes that the comments "collected" by his left-wing propaganda sites were actually made on Facebook by pro-lifers.
The original article is funnier, asshat. :ohno:
Hey asshat, you realize that the satire in that article is actually directed at Planned Parenthood?

Didn't think so. :dunce:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

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I read it as satire for those that claim Planned Parenthood spends most of its money on abortions and that Planned Parenthood and other pro-choice organizations love abortions and encourage abortions.
Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Grizalltheway »

JoltinJoe wrote:
D1B wrote:
The original article is funnier, asshat. :ohno:
Hey asshat, you realize that the satire in that article is actually directed at Planned Parenthood?

Didn't think so. :dunce:
Sure it is, dumb fuck. :lol: :roll:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by D1B »

JoltinJoe wrote:
D1B wrote:
The original article is funnier, asshat. :ohno:
Hey asshat, you realize that the satire in that article is actually directed at Planned Parenthood?

Didn't think so. :dunce:


Joe, you're a total idiot. :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Epic :dunce:
"Sarah Palin absolutely blew AWAY the audience tonight. If there was any doubt as to whether she was savvy enough, tough enough or smart enough to carry the mantle of Vice President, she put those fears to rest tonight. She took on Barack Obama DIRECTLY on every issue and exposed... She did it with warmth and humor, and came across as the every-person....it's becoming mroe and more clear that she was a genius pick for McCain."

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by D1B »

Skjellyfetti wrote:I read it as satire for those that claim Planned Parenthood spends most of its money on abortions and that Planned Parenthood and other pro-choice organizations love abortions and encourage abortions.
Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion

Noooooooo, Joltin Joe went to school with St. Augustine, Hegel, Socrates and Isaac Newton, he's never wrong. :lol: :?



:dunce:
"Sarah Palin absolutely blew AWAY the audience tonight. If there was any doubt as to whether she was savvy enough, tough enough or smart enough to carry the mantle of Vice President, she put those fears to rest tonight. She took on Barack Obama DIRECTLY on every issue and exposed... She did it with warmth and humor, and came across as the every-person....it's becoming mroe and more clear that she was a genius pick for McCain."

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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

Skjellyfetti wrote:I read it as satire for those that claim Planned Parenthood spends most of its money on abortions and that Planned Parenthood and other pro-choice organizations love abortions and encourage abortions.
Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion
Of course you did. That's the thing about great satire. Its target never gets that its the target. The writer throws them a bone in the beginning, and then proceeds to bury them -- all while as the self-satisfied target focuses on the first joke. :rofl: If you ever study satire as a literature form, a key lesson is to pay more attention to the last jokes, not the first one. The first joke is the set-up.

Here's a couple of clues that the joke is on you and your casual indifference to what abortion entails:

"Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," said Richards (Note to Sky: This is the "bait" for the target), standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood's new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred." "And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it's going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day."

"We really want abortion to become a regular part of women's lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions," said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. "Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus."

"All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex," Richards continued. "Whether she's a high school junior who doesn't want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can't be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome."

Nineteen-year-old Marcy Kolrath, one of the Abortionplex's first clients, told reporters that despite her initial hesitancy, she was quickly put at ease by staff members who reassured her that she could have abortions over and over for the next decade before finally committing to motherhood.
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

You guys are PERFECT satire targets.

:rofl:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by JoltinJoe »

D1B wrote:
JoltinJoe wrote:
Hey asshat, you realize that the satire in that article is actually directed at Planned Parenthood?

Didn't think so. :dunce:


Joe, you're a total idiot. :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Epic :dunce:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:dunce:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by Pwns »

It is funny, but if you think it's something unique to pro-life and Christian people, you're wrong. Even reputable news organizations have taken Onion stories seriously. Read the section in The Onion's wikipedia page...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Onion# ... _seriously" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by travelinman67 »

JoltinJoe wrote:
D1B wrote:


Joe, you're a total idiot. :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Epic :dunce:
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:dunce:
Douche's, "Your god is the biggest abortionist..." comeback in 5-4-3...

:lol:
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Re: Reactions to $8 billion Abortionplex:

Post by D1B »

JoltinJoe wrote:
Skjellyfetti wrote:I read it as satire for those that claim Planned Parenthood spends most of its money on abortions and that Planned Parenthood and other pro-choice organizations love abortions and encourage abortions.
Of course you did. That's the thing about great satire. Its target never gets that its the target. The writer throws them a bone in the beginning, and then proceeds to bury them -- all while as the self-satisfied target focuses on the first joke. :rofl: If you ever study satire as a literature form, a key lesson is to pay more attention to the last jokes, not the first one. The first joke is the set-up.

Here's a couple of clues that the joke is on you and your casual indifference to what abortion entails:

"Although we've traditionally dedicated 97 percent of our resources to other important services such as contraception distribution, cancer screening, and STD testing, this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion," said Richards (Note to Sky: This is the "bait" for the target), standing under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood's new slogan, "No Life Is Sacred." "And since Congress voted to retain our federal funding, it's going to be that much easier for us to maximize the number of tiny, beating hearts we stop every day."

"We really want abortion to become a regular part of women's lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions," said Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. "Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her uterus."

"All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex," Richards continued. "Whether she's a high school junior who doesn't want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can't be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome."

Nineteen-year-old Marcy Kolrath, one of the Abortionplex's first clients, told reporters that despite her initial hesitancy, she was quickly put at ease by staff members who reassured her that she could have abortions over and over for the next decade before finally committing to motherhood.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


Joe, trying to dig his way out! And faTman running interference! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:dunce: and :dunce: for faTman!
"Sarah Palin absolutely blew AWAY the audience tonight. If there was any doubt as to whether she was savvy enough, tough enough or smart enough to carry the mantle of Vice President, she put those fears to rest tonight. She took on Barack Obama DIRECTLY on every issue and exposed... She did it with warmth and humor, and came across as the every-person....it's becoming mroe and more clear that she was a genius pick for McCain."

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