Ready for Football - North vs South
Posted: Fri Sep 04, 2009 5:09 pm
Women's Accessories:
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,
and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting
list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game,
because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see
the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game
parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday
for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes
over to where ESPN is broadcasting 'Game Day Live' to get on camera and
wave to the idiots up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never
Broadcast from their campus
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band,...who
comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right
in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the
state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on
it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for
bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, Gunpowder (from the cannon in the end zone), with a
touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: 'Nice play.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear
in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes
to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for
next week's game.
NORTH: Chap Stick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara,
and a fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
Stadium Size:
NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
Fathers:
NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
Campus Decor:
NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
Homecoming Queen:
NORTH: Also a physics major.
SOUTH: Also Miss America .
Heroes:
NORTH: Rudy Giuliani
SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
Getting Tickets:
NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus.
SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus, make a large financial contribution and put name on a waiting
list for tickets.
Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game,
because they have classes on Friday.
SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see
the few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
Parking:
NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game
parking.
SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday
for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
Game Day:
NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes
over to where ESPN is broadcasting 'Game Day Live' to get on camera and
wave to the idiots up north who wonder why 'Game Day Live' is never
Broadcast from their campus
Tailgating:
NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local
radio station with truck tailgate down.
SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
accompanied by live performance from the Dave Matthews Band,...who
comes over during breaks and asks for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
Getting to the Stadium:
NORTH: You ask 'Where's the stadium?' When you find it, you walk right
in.
SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it is the
state's third largest city.
Concessions:
NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot on
it, filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for
bourbon.
When National Anthem is Played:
NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand
up.
SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.
The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
NORTH: Nothing changes.
SOUTH: Fireworks, Gunpowder (from the cannon in the end zone), with a
touch of bourbon.
Commentary (Male):
NORTH: 'Nice play.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'
Commentary (Female):
NORTH: 'My, this certainly is a violent sport.'
SOUTH: 'Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs.'
Announcers:
NORTH: Neutral and paid.
SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear
in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
After the Game:
NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes
to the nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for
next week's game.
One of the first games I went to these UGA kids I know came back from concessions with soda. One of the kids asked if I wanted some so I drank it, nothing unusual. Five minutes later, he handed it to me again and I drank it... holy shnikes, it was the strongest drink I've ever had. I've never seen such ingenious ways to sneak in booze to a game as what these kids down here do.