The FCS Bottom 10: Week 3
Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 4:26 pm
The FCS Bottom 10: Week 3
Usually the ESPN.com version of this has some hilarious pop culture reference running throughout, making you chuckle if you get the reference, but scratch your head if you don't get it. I usually fall into the latter category, which is why I will try to be humorous without being too nerdy about my pop culture.
Anyways, onto the bottom 10. And as a reminder, just because your team is here doesn't mean I hate you. It does mean your team isn't doing to well. Take it with a grain of salt.
Starting with number 10...
10 Sacred Heart Pioneers
A road win at Marist isn't enough to save you from the bottom 10 this week, Pioneers. Your loss to Robert Morris may be something you share with a top 25 team (which shall remain nameless... oh forget it you all know who lost to RMU this weekend), but your loss to St. Francis (PA) is something you and only you can share in the joy of experiencing. Especially since only 2 teams have lost to the Red Flash in the last 2 years, and neither of those were nearly as embarassing as your 41 point failure at the hands of St.FU (see what I did there?). Not to mention, anytime you lose to a team where the schools name has to be followed by the state it's in, to make sure you know where it is, isn't a good sign... (More proof of this later in the bottom 10)
9 Eastern Illinois Panthers
In the offseason, EIU dismissed 3 players for rules violations. Someone forgot to tell the team that they couldn't dismiss the first 3 games of the season, as well. Sure, no one could have expected the Panthers to stay within 30 of Iowa, but to not stay within 30 of the UCA Bears is another story. No disrespect to UCA, but that's a game that should be closer. Add on the loss to UT-Martin, a team they beat by 5 touchdowns last year, and it just gets worse. If they keep it up, the OVC will all be wearing Sex Panther by the end of the season... “Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good... 60% of the time it works, every time.”
8 Akron Zips
The Zips have started off 0-3, losing to the most average of teams from the most average of conferences, Gardner-Webb (who lost to Western Carolina who lost to Tusculum, who lost to... well, no one yet, but you get the picture). Oh, wait. Akron isn't FCS? Moving right along then...
7 Ball State Cardinals
Oh, cmon, they're not in the FCS either? I figured surely with their loss to Liberty and close win over SEMO St. that they'd be in the FCS! Fine... I guess I need to figure out a real FCS team for number 6...
6 San Diego Toreros
Remember these guys? They used to think they were SOOOOO cool, chillin' out on the west coast, claiming East Coast Bias while they smack down on nobodies and claim they belonged in the playoffs. Well, let's get them back in the news, shall we? An opening week smack down at the hands of powerhouse Azusa Pacific is to be expected, but to lose to UC Davis? Unacceptable. But seriously, USD is bad, losing to AP (as they're know amongst college football insiders) by 28 points, and Southern Utah by 29. On the bright side, I guess you could say they were 10 plays away from being 2-0?
5 Western Kent... crap, I almost did it again
5 Montana Grizzlies
The Griz appear here because it's probably the first and last time I'll have a chance to do this. They're 1-2, the beat Western State college of the something or another, and they SUCK! HAHAHAHA GRIZ, YOUR REIGN IS OVER! Moving along...
4 Coastal Carolina Chanticleers
“Oooh, oooh! We wanna join the SoCon!” they said. Hah. Opening the season with a “strong defensive showing” against West Virginia (31-0 loss), they lost a heartbreaker to Towson in multiple OT's, and got beat by Georgia State at home... Oh, Georgia Southern? Meh, same difference.
3 Valparaiso Crusaders
The one you've all been waiting for, Valpo is bad enough to be number one, but I felt like that was too good of a ranking for them, even if this is a ranking of who is worst. Number one and Valpo should not be used in the same sentence. Remember earlier when I said losing to a team that has to put the name of the state it's in right next to its name, so you know where it's from? They did that. A week 3 loss to DII St. Joseph's (IN.) combined with a week 2 loss to Franklin, a DIII school from Indiana that plays in the prestigious HCAC. But at least they played the Griz... oh, wait. The Griz is the nickname for Franklin. Yeah, nothing redeemable about Valpo so far... except that a TSN voter or two apparently thought they were top 25 material. I must have competition.
2 Sam Houston State Bearkats
Probably a little harsh to have them at number 2, but the blowout loss to Western Illinois this weekend left me head scratching. Maybe visions of Rhett Bomar still dance in my head, but I feel like SHSU should have shown better in a game like that. They also struggled to beat their bye week, the AP reports.
1 New Hampshire Wildcats
They lost to URI. Do I really need to give more of a reason? Sure URI could be having a better season if UNH was the only win for the Rams, but they already lost to Fordham and blew that idea out of the water. I don't think that UNH is the worst team in the country, but that's not what this list is about. It's about me being able to poke fun at teams who embarrass themselves. And UNH did that this week, and they rightfully earned the first number one ranking. Also, because Wildcats is an incredibly unimaginative nickname. Seriously. You could have at least picked a wild cat to name yourself after. Consider any and all Wildcats teams put on warning to stop being indecisive and pick a cat, and stop pussy footing around the issue. (Yes, that's a terrible pun)
Others receiving votes: Liberty's run defense against NEC teams, Gardner-Webb against non-MAC teams, Presbyterian College, well, at this rate, I might as well just say “The Big South Conference”, Southern Illinois, and Colorado State (what, they're not FCS either? Crap).
That's it for this week, feel free to give feedback and input!
Usually the ESPN.com version of this has some hilarious pop culture reference running throughout, making you chuckle if you get the reference, but scratch your head if you don't get it. I usually fall into the latter category, which is why I will try to be humorous without being too nerdy about my pop culture.
Anyways, onto the bottom 10. And as a reminder, just because your team is here doesn't mean I hate you. It does mean your team isn't doing to well. Take it with a grain of salt.
Starting with number 10...
10 Sacred Heart Pioneers
A road win at Marist isn't enough to save you from the bottom 10 this week, Pioneers. Your loss to Robert Morris may be something you share with a top 25 team (which shall remain nameless... oh forget it you all know who lost to RMU this weekend), but your loss to St. Francis (PA) is something you and only you can share in the joy of experiencing. Especially since only 2 teams have lost to the Red Flash in the last 2 years, and neither of those were nearly as embarassing as your 41 point failure at the hands of St.FU (see what I did there?). Not to mention, anytime you lose to a team where the schools name has to be followed by the state it's in, to make sure you know where it is, isn't a good sign... (More proof of this later in the bottom 10)
9 Eastern Illinois Panthers
In the offseason, EIU dismissed 3 players for rules violations. Someone forgot to tell the team that they couldn't dismiss the first 3 games of the season, as well. Sure, no one could have expected the Panthers to stay within 30 of Iowa, but to not stay within 30 of the UCA Bears is another story. No disrespect to UCA, but that's a game that should be closer. Add on the loss to UT-Martin, a team they beat by 5 touchdowns last year, and it just gets worse. If they keep it up, the OVC will all be wearing Sex Panther by the end of the season... “Yep, it's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good... 60% of the time it works, every time.”
8 Akron Zips
The Zips have started off 0-3, losing to the most average of teams from the most average of conferences, Gardner-Webb (who lost to Western Carolina who lost to Tusculum, who lost to... well, no one yet, but you get the picture). Oh, wait. Akron isn't FCS? Moving right along then...
7 Ball State Cardinals
Oh, cmon, they're not in the FCS either? I figured surely with their loss to Liberty and close win over SEMO St. that they'd be in the FCS! Fine... I guess I need to figure out a real FCS team for number 6...
6 San Diego Toreros
Remember these guys? They used to think they were SOOOOO cool, chillin' out on the west coast, claiming East Coast Bias while they smack down on nobodies and claim they belonged in the playoffs. Well, let's get them back in the news, shall we? An opening week smack down at the hands of powerhouse Azusa Pacific is to be expected, but to lose to UC Davis? Unacceptable. But seriously, USD is bad, losing to AP (as they're know amongst college football insiders) by 28 points, and Southern Utah by 29. On the bright side, I guess you could say they were 10 plays away from being 2-0?
5 Western Kent... crap, I almost did it again
5 Montana Grizzlies
The Griz appear here because it's probably the first and last time I'll have a chance to do this. They're 1-2, the beat Western State college of the something or another, and they SUCK! HAHAHAHA GRIZ, YOUR REIGN IS OVER! Moving along...
4 Coastal Carolina Chanticleers
“Oooh, oooh! We wanna join the SoCon!” they said. Hah. Opening the season with a “strong defensive showing” against West Virginia (31-0 loss), they lost a heartbreaker to Towson in multiple OT's, and got beat by Georgia State at home... Oh, Georgia Southern? Meh, same difference.
3 Valparaiso Crusaders
The one you've all been waiting for, Valpo is bad enough to be number one, but I felt like that was too good of a ranking for them, even if this is a ranking of who is worst. Number one and Valpo should not be used in the same sentence. Remember earlier when I said losing to a team that has to put the name of the state it's in right next to its name, so you know where it's from? They did that. A week 3 loss to DII St. Joseph's (IN.) combined with a week 2 loss to Franklin, a DIII school from Indiana that plays in the prestigious HCAC. But at least they played the Griz... oh, wait. The Griz is the nickname for Franklin. Yeah, nothing redeemable about Valpo so far... except that a TSN voter or two apparently thought they were top 25 material. I must have competition.
2 Sam Houston State Bearkats
Probably a little harsh to have them at number 2, but the blowout loss to Western Illinois this weekend left me head scratching. Maybe visions of Rhett Bomar still dance in my head, but I feel like SHSU should have shown better in a game like that. They also struggled to beat their bye week, the AP reports.
1 New Hampshire Wildcats
They lost to URI. Do I really need to give more of a reason? Sure URI could be having a better season if UNH was the only win for the Rams, but they already lost to Fordham and blew that idea out of the water. I don't think that UNH is the worst team in the country, but that's not what this list is about. It's about me being able to poke fun at teams who embarrass themselves. And UNH did that this week, and they rightfully earned the first number one ranking. Also, because Wildcats is an incredibly unimaginative nickname. Seriously. You could have at least picked a wild cat to name yourself after. Consider any and all Wildcats teams put on warning to stop being indecisive and pick a cat, and stop pussy footing around the issue. (Yes, that's a terrible pun)
Others receiving votes: Liberty's run defense against NEC teams, Gardner-Webb against non-MAC teams, Presbyterian College, well, at this rate, I might as well just say “The Big South Conference”, Southern Illinois, and Colorado State (what, they're not FCS either? Crap).
That's it for this week, feel free to give feedback and input!
Thanks.
Back again in the top 25, 3-0, coach is playing numerous freshman, and averaging 35 points per game and you still have this opinion of the Bears. Hey, we'll fly under the radar again this year, no problem. 
