Trump skips WWI ceremonies in France and US

[Winterborn]

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?

A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

[CAA Flagship]

Q. Why do Doctors like to operate on the French?
A. Because they have no guts and their heads and asses are interchangeable.

[Winterborn]

A cursory review of French military history reveals the following:

1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2,000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

2 - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by a female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

3 - Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.

5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but still manages to get invaded. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

6 - War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

7 - The Dutch War - Tied. Dutch farmers and tulip growers are tougher than they look.

8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

9 - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved ever since.

10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; “France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British footwear designer.

13 - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. For the first, but certainly not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to France’s ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Winds up a tie for les francaise. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French bloodline.

15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. Hitler and the German Youth spend Christmas time sleeping soundly through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six weeks. Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language program to teach French privates how to say "I surrender" in German and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German work ethic. De Gaulle of it all...

16 - First Vietnamese war (in Vietnamese circles, known as "the scrimmage", or "the exhibition game" where the varsity squad is kept on the sideline to see how the second string will play) - Lost. French soldiers, fresh off their four-year occupation by the Germans, catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu.

17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. First time an Arab army has beaten a Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern Islamic warfare: "We can always beat the French." A nice phrase, but it lacks something in originality, since it is also the first rule of warfare for the Italians, Russians, Prussians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese, Native Americans and capitalists.

18 - War on Terrorism - Lost. Incensed at not being included in the original "Axis of Evil," France refuses to participate. When it becomes clear that this is a "no-kidding war," Jacques Chirac looks at his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Schroeder. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million illegal immigrants from Algeria.

[∞∞∞]

Except without France's involvement during the Revolutionary War, there would likely be no United States.

They're the only nation that's truly been with us since day one, and has stuck with us through all our idiosyncratic wars.

[Winterborn]

Except without France's involvement during the Revolutionary War, there would likely be no United States.

They're the only nation that's truly been with us since day one.

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

That was much less due to them "liking" us and more to the fact that it removed the British from part of NA and allowed them the chance to poke the British lion a bit.

[∞∞∞]

Except without France's involvement during the Revolutionary War, there would likely be no United States.

They're the only nation that's truly been with us since day one.

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

That was much less due to them "liking" us and more to the fact that it removed the British from part of NA and allowed them the chance to poke the British lion a bit.

Dude, they spent an insane amount of money helping the colonists; 90% of the black powder came from France. They started a war to distract Britain, and without the supplies they sent, many battles including Saratoga would have been British victories. Without the French victory in Chesapeake, England would have had reinforcements for Yorktown...a battle where half the troops and all the ships were French.

[Winterborn]

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

That was much less due to them "liking" us and more to the fact that it removed the British from part of NA and allowed them the chance to poke the British lion a bit.

Dude, they spent an insane amount of money helping the colonists; 90% of the black powder came from France. They started a war to distract Britain, and without the supplies they sent, many battles including Saratoga would have been British victories. Without the French victory in Chesapeake, England would have had reinforcements for Yorktown...a battle where half the troops and all the ships were French.

I don't disagree with anything you said, but nothing you stated discounts my statement. The French saw our little revolution as a way to tie up British forces and force their hand in NA. They weren't the only ones to send aid and realize what could happen if the British were given a setback in our little backwater corner of the globe. The Spanish and the Dutch also sent aid.

I am not saying they were not vital to the war effort, but they (French Government) didn't help us out because they liked our cause (some individuals did, Layafette for example). They helped us out as it was cheaper then going directly to war with Britain at that moment, since they had just lost in the Seven Years war and as a result lost their claim on NA. They used us as a proxy, nothing more.

[Grizalltheway]

Dude, they spent an insane amount of money helping the colonists; 90% of the black powder came from France. They started a war to distract Britain, and without the supplies they sent, many battles including Saratoga would have been British victories. Without the French victory in Chesapeake, England would have had reinforcements for Yorktown...a battle where half the troops and all the ships were French.

I don't disagree with anything you said, but nothing you stated discounts my statement. The French saw our little revolution as a way to tie up British forces and force their hand in NA. They weren't the only ones to send aid and realize what could happen if the British were given a setback in our little backwater corner of the globe. The Spanish and the Dutch also sent aid.

I am not saying they were not vital to the war effort, but they (French Government) didn't help us out because they liked our cause (some individuals did, Layafette for example). They helped us out as it was cheaper then going directly to war with Britain at that moment, since they had just lost in the Seven Years war and as a result lost their claim on NA. They used us as a proxy, nothing more.

You say this as though we entered WWII entirely for altruistic reasons.

[houndawg]

Suddenly, liberals are a bunch of flag-waving, veteran-loving 'Muricans!

Too bad they can't take a time machine back to take back the spitting and the baby-killer remarks they hurled at Chizz's dad, my dad, and all the other Vietnam vets they **** all over.

does somebody need a safe space.....?

[houndawg]

I think there should be a pay per view Obama vs. Trump one on one basketball game. I'd bet they'd make a lot of money off it.

I'd also like to see a G.W. Bush vs. Trump bicycle race.

Trump couldn't guard Jabba the Hutt

[Winterborn]

I don't disagree with anything you said, but nothing you stated discounts my statement. The French saw our little revolution as a way to tie up British forces and force their hand in NA. They weren't the only ones to send aid and realize what could happen if the British were given a setback in our little backwater corner of the globe. The Spanish and the Dutch also sent aid.

I am not saying they were not vital to the war effort, but they (French Government) didn't help us out because they liked our cause (some individuals did, Layafette for example). They helped us out as it was cheaper then going directly to war with Britain at that moment, since they had just lost in the Seven Years war and as a result lost their claim on NA. They used us as a proxy, nothing more.

You say this as though we entered WWII entirely for altruistic reasons.

You mean we didn't.

[Ibanez]

Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every now and then.

That was much less due to them "liking" us and more to the fact that it removed the British from part of NA and allowed them the chance to poke the British lion a bit.

Dude, they spent an insane amount of money helping the colonists; 90% of the black powder came from France. They started a war to distract Britain, and without the supplies they sent, many battles including Saratoga would have been British victories. Without the French victory in Chesapeake, England would have had reinforcements for Yorktown...a battle where half the troops and all the ships were French.

There weren't any French at Saratoga and there wasn't much French aid before Saratoga. Sure, a small group of Canucks but nothing major. In fact,it was because of our actions at Saratoga that the Franco-American Alliance was signed. That brought the French into the war. Even after that, the French dragged their feet and were extremely uncooperative. That's not taking away their involvement or how their involvement turned the tide of the war (much like ours did 100 yrs ago).

[∞∞∞]

Dude, they spent an insane amount of money helping the colonists; 90% of the black powder came from France. They started a war to distract Britain, and without the supplies they sent, many battles including Saratoga would have been British victories. Without the French victory in Chesapeake, England would have had reinforcements for Yorktown...a battle where half the troops and all the ships were French.

There weren't any French at Saratoga and there wasn't much French aid before Saratoga.

I didn't say there were any French soldiers in Saratoga, but:

When the Continental Army, commanded by Gen. Horatio Gates, defeated the British at the Battles of Saratoga on Sept. 19 and Oct. 7, 1777, it is estimated that as many as nine out of 10 American soldiers carried French arms, and virtually all had French gunpowder. French field guns also played a critical role in a decisive triumph that forced the historic surrender of British Gen. John Burgoyne and his entire army.

https://www.battlefields.org/learn/arti ... revolution